Nikers

Crap

Your not on aim. I guess I’ll update on what’s making me so depressed.

Last week my computer died due to too much memory on the hard drive. Soon after, Nallely got my package. I felt like an asshole when I was trying to talk to her over my itouch and it took a minute to send a one liner. It was so aggravating and I felt like I was typing as though I didn’t wanna talk to her.

Tuesday. Sort of a bad day at skool, but it was still whatever. I came home and watched Step Brothers with Angie since I had already beat PokemonRed in a speedrun. About half way through it, mom and dad came home. Mom looks at me and says “Your getting your teeth cleaned tmrw morning, be there by nine. I’m setting up a counsel at an ortho to put you back on braces.”

We then had a half hour argument. Already being a survivor of braces, I clearly remember how horrible those 2 and a half years were. Braces had a bad impact on me, I think moreso than most other people. I dont want them again, and it brings me to tears to think about going through that again.

So I cry in my room for a little while and decide to kill time and make myself feel better. I decide to clean my room and throw away cloths and trash and stuff that I dont need to keep anymore. It was a 3 hour nostalgia of my entire life. Among the things i threw away was the notes and the journal that I wrote for Becca but never gave her. The journal got me thinking. Should I burn it like nallely did to those roses? Since it was midnight I was lazy lol (trash bag)

Afterwards I felt a big mix ofgood and bad feelings. I slept on it.

Wednesday. I’m texting Jenn throughout the day, which was a change actually. I gave in and sent the first text when it looked obvious that she wasn’t going to. Skool was a drag, I wasnt happy about it like a few weeks ago.

I came home and an unexpected joy welcomed me. Kensey picked me up and we went to Fuddruckers. We talked for about 2 hours and she took me home. It was a deep conversation and I loved every minute of it. A big welcome to me.

I go home and the unthinkable happens. Jenn, who had already told me that things were fantastic and going great, broke down the truth. She had been stressed out after the last time we hung out and felt like I used her, the same feelings that she had given me. Hanging with friends and trying to feel better, she started doing hookah, tobacco. It was about the equivilent of her telling me that she just made out with a guy. I couldn’t believe she did that, and I felt especially terrible because I was the reason behind it. What followed was an hour of me spilling my heart out and apologing for everything thats ever happened. I lost yet again. Something she’s half at fault for as well, yet I do the work to fix it. She retook her throne and I hate it.

This was the day that my manager was supposed to call me, but I’ve heard nothing from her. Chelby’s brother never replyed. Guess unless I ask Becca for her number I’ll never get it. And I’m not doing that. I go to sleep crying since I can’t really use aim.

Thursday. Shit where do I begin, it’s not even over yet. I pick up Alex and Michelle for lunch. Because they took longer than normal, I wandered the hallways of Warren. It was pretty much exactly like that dream I had with Nallely back in 08, except without her. I had awkward convos with Kevin, Danielle, Preston and Preston. I also ran into Jessica (black box buddie<33) and we freaked out xD She was with the girl that thought I was hot my junior year.

Anywho, had lunch with Alex and Michelle. Wasn’t near as fun as with Kensey, but I got to see them and that’s all that mattered. I go to skool and kill 2 hours in the library watching smash videos. 2:30-5:30 I film more with my group and we get most of it done. 5:30-6:30 I kill another hour in the library since I dont have a good conputer at home. I get up to go to the restroom before leaving skool.

Coming out the door is Paul. We looked right at each other as we passed by. I think due to my glasses he might have not recognized me. Idk and idc. I couldnt stand that feeling. He’s the reason I don’t talk to Beccam he’s the reason mine and Chelby’s lives are completely different.

I raged the whole way to my car, listening to Fear of Flying from A Rocket to the Moon and so many old feelings of Becca come back. I quickly went from just pure fury to sadness and it was dark outside. I thought it a classy sight to take someone for coffee, a table by the lake with the lights on everywhere. It was beautiful and I wanted to share that moment with someone, anyone.

I instantly felt completely alone the rest of that walk to my car.

So I get home and me and my dad work on the computer. Turns out that my best option is to take it back to geeksquad for another $235 operation, only this time I’d be paying for it (which is completely fair and I expected it). The better option is just to buy a new computer/laptop for myself, yet I don’t have the money. Manager STILL hasn’t called me back to it’s becoming clear that there gonna fire me.

While figuring all of this out he breaks out some news:

“Did you hear that Edgar just died? He had a heart attack in the senior home. The funeral’s on saturday.”

Edgar is an old family member. Spent my childhood going to his farm and wealthy land for hunting and hunting easter eggs with Angie. Unlike Paige from a few months ago, I actually knew him as I grew up. I’m also going to miss a tourney at a huge anime convention, for which I was hoping to place top 5 at and make money. That’s not happening now.

3 days of hell. I’m afraid of what tmrw is going to bring. Except for seeing Kensey, everything just fell apart on me. A movie sounds very nice right now.